Id Boy

Despite all my whining here, I have an amazing relationship. I whine about the sex stuff because I have an anonymous outlet and because I’m frustrated with the wife to be sexual, not because I’m working my way out of our relationship.

Love her.

Today we had a funny conversation. We both settled into some bad habits this year and gained weight. We both want to desperately lose it, but this is new for us, and we both come from Midwestern families, so weight-loss is a new dance.

We want to lose weight because we are awesome. We are an amazing couple and it sucks that we aren’t better looking. It hurts her alot when she can fit into an outfit she’d like to and I can’t believe I don’t have a chin anymore.

We want to lose weight because we are awesome.

The first time I ever saw porn, I was nine or ten and it actually made me feel sick. I knew what I was looking at, and I knew it was supposed to be fun, but it disgusted me.

It was typical “found in brother’s/dad’s/uncle’s closet” porn. Some cheeseball dude pumping away on some woman’s over tanned pussy. The two moaning and groaning, nasty close-up, grunt cum, cut, print, and next scene.

I watch porn now. Internet porn. I have a pretty standard setup— 4 or 5 sites I check in on. My bookmarks are stored “in the cloud” and all of the browser’s private modes keep my lady from knowing better.

(Note: I’m sure she suspects.)

Outside of the two sites I check for stockings related porn, which both suck and I hate going to, I visit amateur video sites. I really like seeing real people fuck. Well, most videos are probably porn stars making videos that look homemade.

I just love seeing real people have sex. When a man and woman both seem to be really enjoying each other, that’s what I love to get off on. If a woman looks bored, or annoyed, or seems abused or not interested in being there, I turn it off. As a (piss-poor) feminist and as a human being, I can’t watch anything that looks remotely abusive. Its disgusting. Every video I see of some poor girl not enjoying anal or taking a cum shot to the face without looking like they wanted is sick and I hate that the internet is so full of these videos.

Give me a home video of two people in love, ballin’ each other and loving it. She’s working him over and giving him wide flirty eyes. He’s putting her in her favorite positions and telling her how much he wants to cum on/in/around her. If its anal, I love seeing the slow part and her body needs to be loose— not tight with anxiety. If its a facial, I want it to be a surprise to him— it can’t be routine or look like she’s just taking it in the face cause that’s what he wants. I want to see my man eat her pussy and I love to see a woman grind on her man’s face.

The point is, I need my porn to be genuine, authentic. It doesn’t have to be love, but it has to be lust, not money, abuse, or shame that drives a sex act.

Just stumbled across a really bad photo of myself.

I never thought that I’d be thirty and still unhappy about how I look. I thought I’d either get over it or would have done something about it.

But I truly feel gross sometimes. Tonight is a gross night.

At certain points in my life, I believe I’ve been a 7, maybe an 8 with personality factored in. Lately, I’m concerned I might be a 5.

Frankly, I’d rather I didn’t care.

Tumblr has proven, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that there is a huge disparity in fashion, photography, erotica, and pornography between pale skinned and darker skinned women.

Basically, where are all the nekkid pictures of women of color? I’m kind of tired of all these white girls. Have any Tumblr suggestions?